Settling

Lie 3: Nothing better is going to come along.

What’s wrong?
If we believe this, we are . . .
acknowledging that what we have/who we are dating is bad.
welcoming problems, pain, and (quite possibly) sin into our lives.
lacking faith that God will provide.
underestimating the importance of our relationship/future marriage.

When we settle for people we do not like, who we don’t believe are godly, or who we aren’t completely smitten by, we are doing ourselves and the other individual a huge disfavor. If this guy/girl is not living an admirable Christian life, they can lead you into spiritual problems. If you are scared no one will ever be with you besides a crummy schmuck, remember, God promises to give you all you need. If the guy/girl you are dating doesn’t know that your affection is lacking, you can hurt him/her very deeply.

There are so many problems with dating someone you do not admire, respect, and treasure. Not to mention how it can affect your marriage (you end up marrying some nasty person or investing too much that should’ve been invested into your husband/wife). This list could go on and on.

What do we do?
There’s a verse that I think can really help this falsehood:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. James 1:17

Is the person you are dating a good and perfect gift? If not, it didn’t come from God. Don’t get me wrong, every couple has their problems; it’s expected—we are sinful! But temptation from Satan is different than trials and discipline from God. (Read verses 12-15; it’s true!) Yes, we’re sinful but God offers forgiveness and the Holy Spirit offers strength. Therefore, carefully analyze your relationship. Satan’s always looking for a way to trap us; make sure it’s not through your relationship.

So, if it’s you that someone is settling with, step it up! It doesn’t have to be that way. And if you are settling with someone, pray about it, check yourself for problems, and leave a bad relationship with faith that God will provide a new one.

God’s children are not promised bad things. On the contrary, we are given more than we could ever deserve! Remember that relationships are also a gift from God. He expects them to honor Him, and if settling with an unworthy companion is not honoring Him, it is time to fix it or leave it.

If you have any advice or thoughts on this subject, feel free to leave a comment! I am no master of relationships. I am just sharing what I have learned.

Needing

Lie 1: I need a boyfriend.

This is the easiest lie to believe. You can replace boyfriend with anything--fiancee, girlfriend, a job, etc. And let's be honest, we should replace I need with I want. Sometimes we think having a romantic confidant will fix our problems. We tell ourselves, "I will never be lonely," "Someone will always know the right words to say," "I will always be in a better mood," "I will have someone who understands what I am going through." While those wishes are really, very, terribly, easy to want, there is no way any human can grant those wishes. There is not a magic person who can come in your life and fix everything. And, there never will be. It seems depressing, I know.

So can anyone be trusted? Should I ever look for a decent guy? Whats wrong with wanting a boyfriend?

Of course dating is alright. The best part of being imperfect people is realizing we're all in the same boat! None of us are perfect and can "fix" each other. But, there is a problem with believing you need a boy/girlfriend.

Here is our problem:
We seek in humans what should be sought for in God. We begin to misunderstand the point of relationships. We base our identity and self-worth on who we do/do not date. We forget our lives' true purpose and goal.

The truth:
1. Love is not about needing.
"I need a girlfriend because I want someone to love me." "I need a boyfriend because I want compassion." As logical as this might sound, love is not about what you can get. Throughout the Bible, true love is compared to the love Christ had.

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16

Christ's love was sacrificial. Love is not about what we need. It is giving of ourselves in the name of God. We shouldn't seek people to give us love, to show us compassion, to give us grace. We should be doing this for others in the name of God with no reward expected .

For Christ's love compels us . . . And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

2. Contentment in God.
When we believe we need a person to fulfill us, we are forsaking what Christ has offered us. He is the creator of everything! You want love? He is love. You want guidance? He is all-knowing. The list goes on and on.

You need grace? God is grace.-2 Timothy 2:1
You need peace? God is the God of peace.-1 Thessalonians 5:23
You need some you can trust? God is ruler of all and in control.-Colossians 1:15-17
You need a blessing? God grants spiritual blessings.-Ephesians 1:3
You need love? Nothing can separate you from His love.- Romans 8:35-39

Humans are not the origins of any of these things we desire. They are only found in God. When you realize you, or any other guy or girl, don't have the power, love, grace, etc. you seek, look to God and He graciously gives those things. Realize your weakness and neediness, and He will follow through.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

What do you do?
1. Crucify the desire to need anything but God.
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:24

2. Realize your desire is for Him.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning...we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies...we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:22-23, 25

3. Remember your true purpose is not looking for a boyfriend.

...God gave me to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles with the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God... Romans 15:15-16

You won't miss out on a guy or girl by following God's purpose for your life. He can place a lady or gent in your path as a benefit to your ministry. How will you know?

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

When we realize all we need is Him, I believe He blesses us with more than we could have ever wished for.