A 2 part discussion on a girl's role in a relationship.
(Although specifically written for females, the subject remains a mutual discussion nonetheless.)
The constant bantering of Tom and Jerry keeps many people laughing. Unfortunately, this humor all too well reminds some of their comical love lives, or better, the lack thereof. The constant running and exhaustion of all your efforts only to find someone who keeps ignoring you and stealing your cheese . Why does this happen? I believe a huge protagonist of this unnecessary Cat and Mouse game are the females who believe it is their duty to pursue males. I believe simple logic and Scripture gives good reason for a man to always be the pursuer in a relationship.
First, consider the creation of man--the beginning of the perfect relationship. God first created Adam, gave him a job, and sent him on his way. It was then realized that Adam did not have a suitable partner. So God, in all His glory, created Eve for Adam. Notice who realized Adam needed a mate. Was it Eve? No. God was perfectly capable to notice when His creation needed something He had not provided and then thoroughly fulfill this need. Is He not also capable to directly provide for us? Also notice how God formed Eve. God could have created Eve from dirt, a leaf, or air but instead He formed her from Adam’s own body. Eve had no need to pursue Adam, he knew she was part of him.
Put it into action:
1. Have enough faith that God will use you to fulfill that need in someone else. God is fully able to provide for our needs, especially involving relationships. Believe that He will work through His "Adams" to help them first realize their needs and then use you to complete that void.
2. If your Adam is walking with God, He will recognize what, or better who, is part of him. No, this does not mean everyone will find love at first sight; however, I do believe it means as Christians we can recognize godly characteristics in every person. If you truly believe God is master over everything, including relationships, He has created people who can recognize His will when they see it.
Second, consider the roles of male and female found in Ephesians 5:22-33. In these verses, it is explicably commanded that wives submit to their husbands. You may be thinking, “Whew, I’m off the hook. I’m not married yet.” Think again. What is the purpose of dating? To find the one you will marry. Therefore, you should treat every dating relationship as a precursor to marriage. Yes, love grows with time and your emotions and beliefs may change; however, the basic roles of male and female do not change, and if you are preparing for a life with someone, you should start preparing yourself now. This is easily done by following Ephesians 5.
Submissive Waiting: “What does it mean to submit? I’m not married to him. We’re not even dating!” These are valid questions, and while submission takes on many forms in a relationship, I simply want to address its role in the pursuit of one. Females can submit to a male by allowing them to choose who they want to date and in what way they wish to pursue. It is often difficult to wait on the guy, especially when he does not mimic the leadership role found in verse 23. It is crucial to wait on a man who is striving to be like Christ as the head of the church. The man, while not married, should be striving to be a leader that directs people to God. When it's hard to find a verse 23 guy, we as girls often get discouraged; however, shouldn’t we as Christian women be looking for a strong Christian guy who follows the biblical example? If so, keep your humble attitude and wait for a guy who is. Remember why you are waiting.
Beware: It is impossible and unhealthy for you to submit under a guy who does not follow his God-given biblical responsibilities. It will only create an unhealthy and unbiblical relationship and result in tremendous pain. God doesn't want you to face this, so wait.
Put it into action:
1. Take dating seriously
2. Realize submission isn’t just for married people.
3. Are you truly dating with the right intentions? If so, base your relationships off the closest Biblical example we have of them: marriage.
4. Be willing to wait for the man of God who realizes who he is, especially in regard to Eph. 5.
(There is a good amount that can be discussed on this matter of submission, but I hope you realize the basic meaning I am trying to convey and realize that dating is not marriage by any means but should be treated as the meaningful precursor.)
I hope these two Scriptural-based arguments help support the logical reasons for males being the pursuers in relationships. Girls, have enough respect for who you are in Christ to follow after the examples He has given us in His word. You are more important than desperate cat and mouse games. If you believe everything in God’s word then you believe He knew you before you were born and has a plan for you.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
Believe. He will see the need and follow through.
To be continued. . . (Attempted answers to questions every girl asks herself. Especially about guys.)
